The First Two Days Felt Like a Vacation—Until They Didn’t

At first, it felt like a dream. I had my parents helping with the kids, my husband had a separate office to work out of, and for once... I had nothing I absolutely had to do. It felt like a much-needed break—until it didn’t.

Almost out of nowhere, I started to feel low. Not just a little off, but depressed. I thought the crash might come after a week or so, but nope—it hit me almost instantly.

Thankfully, I figured out what was going on: my kids were off their routine, which meant I was off mine too.

I’ve always believed that kids thrive on structure—and so do moms, whether we admit it or not. Even through lockdowns and chaos, I created routines to give us all a sense of stability. Morning walks, afternoon playtime… it helped them know what to expect, and without even realizing it, it helped me stay grounded and get things done.

But as soon as we left town, everything shifted. With two extra adults around eager to help with Cash and Azlan, I figured I’d finally get more work done or maybe enjoy some alone time. And while things like solo walks were easier, I was hit with unexpected guilt. I didn’t feel productive or present—I felt like a lump. A bad mom. A useless mess.

It didn’t take long to realize I needed to bring some structure back—not just for the kids, but for me. I needed a rhythm that included work and quality time with my kids. Not just being near them, but actually engaging with them.

Thankfully, my parents understood. I built a new Monday–Friday schedule that gives me space to work a few hours each day and—more importantly—time to enjoy my kids again.

That’s what was missing. I wasn’t playing, creating, laughing with them the way I wanted to. I was just watching from the sidelines.

So I got creative—with a little help from friends. We made a volcano and watched it erupt, went on scavenger hunts, built a zoo, baked muffins, and snuggled up without the pressure to “do it all.”

And that—that was what I was craving. That’s what I needed.

I may still not know what day it is, but I feel lighter, more present, and finally... like myself again.